Weedhipsters across Canada were aghast today, expressing their dismay that cool, indie folk band Storz & Bickel have sold out to corporate cannabis after being acquired by Canopy for $220 million.
Germany-based Storz and Bickel, with Markus Storz on lead vocals and Jurgen Bickel on electric ukulele, best known for their innovative indie folk rock since the late 90s, broke out on college radio in the early 2000s with their hit “Volcano”.
After securing a distribution deal for their music into the US in 2005, the band’s audience really began to build, with #weedhipsters all around the globe seeking to rock the lumbering, 27-minute “Volcano” at every gathering.
Their follow-up single “Mighty Crafty” received a muted, but still significant response.
Despite some moderate success, Storz and Bickel had largely remained a hit only in niche stoner markets. But with this week’s announcement of the $220 million deal from Canopy Girth Corporation, Weedhipsters across Canada have already begun bemoaning the development.
“Man, I used to think Storz and Bickel were cool,” said Jonathan Jackson, a self described Weedhipster, twirling his waxed moustache while puffing on a a joint hand-rolled by Peruvian nuns. “But now that they signed with Canopy, everyones’ mom will soon be listening to them. They’ll probably be on VH1. No thanks.”
Another weed hipster verp found hanging out outside a Vancouver dispensary said today’s news has made his already-sedentary lifestyle even more languished.
“I’m so bummed, man, I don’t think I can get the strength to leave the house this week,” says Elise Killroy, who says she has been rocking the Volcano since “before any of you have ever heard of it”.
“Now that Canopy owns them, I bet all their new albums will totally suck. Time to find a new indie folk vaporizer band.”
*Storz and Bickel were not contacted for this satirical article