Canadian cannabis producers swear they thought they had more weed around here somewhere

Licensed producers of cannabis in Canada are scratching their heads this week at reports of massive product shortages, saying they could have sworn they had several hundred more kilos laying around here somewhere.

After signing supply agreements with several provinces, many of these cannabis producers say they simply don’t know where all their cannabis went.

“It’s the strangest thing,” said one cannabis CEO wearing pink house slippers who asked to not be identified by name. “I could have sworn we had a bunch more weed somewhere around here. Maybe all our medical patients are hoarding it or something.”

Another cannabis CEO who spoke to verp on condition of anonymity, says she is equally perplexed.

“It’s kind of my bad, to be honest. Last time I checked my vault, it was packed to the ceiling. But it turns out most of that was product that we were holding before destruction because it had all gone mouldy. Whoops!”

The supply shortage is also frustrating provincial distributors, and public and private retail stores across the country, as well as very small percentage of cannabis consumers who have so far bothered to access the new legal system.

“These LPs promised us they could supply us,” one province confided in verp on condition of anonymity. “They were all like, ‘oh yeah, we got a lot of weed. Like, so much.’ But it turns out they don’t. I can’t believe that publicly traded companies would mislead anyone!”

Some analysts, however, say the real problem is the federal government is regulating cannabis too tightly, leading to these artificial product shortages.

“If the government would just get out the way and let for profit companies do whatever they want, then everything would be fine,” said Debbie Jackson, a policy analyst with the Frasier Committee, a Seattle-based think tank.

“It’s only when the government gets in the way with nonsense like ‘transparent supply chain management’ and ‘quality assurance standards’ that we see this kind of regulatory capture. If people were allowed to just stand on the side of the road selling weed they grew in their basement, then there would be no supply shortages.”

*The lack of content on verp lately is because the government is over regulating the satire industry. We had like 30 articles lined up, but we’re still waiting on approval from Ottawa. 

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