Ontario better at passing the buck than passing the dutchie

Ontario says they are looking at transitioning their ineffective cannabis distribution system to better utilize the same technology they have employed so effectively to shift blame for their shortcomings to everyone else in Canada.

While the province has totally failed at the task of sending cannabis from their distribution warehouse to people living even just an hour away, or even minutes away, they have excelled in recent weeks at passing blame for these failures to Canada Post, the federal government, cannabis growers, the black market, consumers, and even planetary alignments.

The new distribution system, implemented by Ontario just last week, has already seen a significant approval in delivery times for cannabis across the province, to the delight of people who have been waiting a month for their orders to arrive.

“By shifting our distribution system to utilize the same awe-inspiring ability of my administration to rapidly and effectively shift blame all over Canada,” Premier Ford stated at a press conference, “we have already seen a reduction in shipping times by 300%. This is the free market at work.”

Despite the uptick in delivery times, the Ford administration continues to blame others for their wonky rollout.

“Venus has been in retrograde since October 5th,” says Doug Ford’s Chief Astrologer, Sally Southern. “These idiotic Trudeau Liberals decided the perfect time to legalize was right before such an uncertain planetary shift.”

*This satirical article may take longer to load in Ontario. Contest does not apply in Quebec. 

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