A giant melee broke out in the middle of a recent charity softball game between two of the world’s largest cannabis companies, Aphria and Canopy Growth.
The fight began not with the teams, but when fans of the two opposing teams began heckling each other, before escalating to hurling objects and then fists in what ended up being a bruising thirty minute brawl.
The softball game—a fundraiser for a charity designed to help medical cannabis patients afford the products medical cannabis companies sell—had been going peacefully through the first five innings, with both teams enjoying a playful camaraderie, scoring two runs.
Things quickly unraveled at the beginning of the sixth inning when stock-holding fans in the bleachers began escalating what had been a steady volley of petty insults and chants of “Thick Vicc” and “the Bruce is Loose”, into hurling beer cans and then rocks.
But things quickly unraveled at the beginning of the sixth inning when stock-holding fans in the bleachers began escalating what had been a steady volley of petty insults and chants of “Thick Vicc” and “the Bruce is Loose”, into hurling beer cans and then rocks. Soon, the stands emptied onto the field where players stood around dumbfounded at the fight unfolding around them between Canopy and Aphria stockholders.
“I was scared for my life,” said Adam Jackson, third base coach for Canopy. “These people are nuts. Do none of these people hold both stocks?”
Aphria’s pitcher, John McPherson, who was on the mound as dozens of crazed investors tried to kill each other all around him, agrees with Jackson.
“This is seriously one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen, fighting over which weed company is better,” said McPherson in an interview after the game. “
The fight was eventually broken up when shareholder’s wives dragged them each away by the ear. The charity event raised $400 for medical patients.
*This is a work of fiction. Any similarities this satirical parody may have to any online weed stock forums is entirely coincidental.