Caravan of Ontario stoners heading to New Brunswick

A caravan of thousands of angry cannabis consumers is said to be heading towards New Brunswick from Ontario this week, in seek of legal weed stores.

The caravan, made up of hundreds of buses and cars travelling together in a quest to find some legal weed, formed in response to the tens of thousands of Ontarians who still haven’t received the orders they placed for legal weed on October 17.

Although Ontario still has a considerable amount of illicit cannabis dispensaries, the province still has zero brick and mortar stores in place, leaving residents with only one legal option for buying weed, the Ontario Cannabis Store’s online portal.

But with hundreds of thousands of orders flooding into the system in the first 48 hours, the provincial distributor, as well as its hopeful customers, says they dropped the ball.

“I’m on my way, fam, hold tite 💯” Doug Ford texted verp in reply to our request for more details about the delays. No followup text ever arrived, nor did the Premier.

The caravan began Monday morning as a small handful of cars leaving Thunder Bay and heading to Quebec to buy legal weed, picking up other caravaners along the way. By the time the caravan reached the outskirts of Toronto, hundreds had already joined, and thousands more would join in by the time it passed Kingston.

“I’m on my way, fam, hold tite 💯” Doug Ford texted verp in reply to our request for more details about the delays. No followup text ever arrived, nor did the Premier.

Although their initial destination was only Quebec, where several brick and mortar legal weed shops have been set up, organizers say somewhere along the way the decision was made to bypass Quebec for New Brunswick.

“Quebec stores all have that weird butthole thermometer logo,” said Sally Sativa, canna-caravan spokesperson, “and the images I’ve seen of the New Brunswick stores seem much nicer, like shopping at an Apple Store! So the decision was made to just keep on driving until we hit Fredericton.”

New Brunswick officials say they are taking measures to prepare for the caravan’s arrival later this week by ordering more weed from licensed producers and establishing a makeshift town in a Wal Mart parking lot.

However, since it is illegal to transport cannabis between provinces, these officials say they expect everyone to consume everything they buy while in-province, before heading home.

Or, maybe staying permanently, says NB head of canna-tourism Derek Dingler.

“Our hope is that Ontarians will see how much nicer and cheaper it is here in New Brunswick,” Dingler told verp. “Not only do we have actual weed stores, but you can buy a home here for about half what it would cost you in much on Ontario. And we have cute accents!”

*This satirical article implies no offence to the good people of Quebec.

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