Woman kicked out of grocery store for screaming obscenities, blames government

A woman who walked into a grocery store recently and began screaming obscenities at several shoppers and employees, prompting the store manager to kick her out, is blaming everyone but herself or her own actions.

Despite it being the store manager who took action, the woman in question, Gilda Bittercup is now blaming a consortium of conspirators, from the federal government, to the Bilderburgs and Big Pharma and Big Marijuanas.

“This is the government censoring my free speech!,” the woman screamed while being escorted out of the grocery store by the manager and store security.

“This isn’t really the first time this has happened,” said the store owner, who asked not to be named out of fear of retaliation by the woman’s large gang of cats who live in her penthouse home.

“She comes in here pretty regularly and starts screaming obscenities, or telling stories of how the government is reading her mind, often while crying and gesticulating wildly. We usually just kind of ignore her because, to be honest, we feel kind of bad for her. Seems like she needs the attention.

“But this recent time, we had several customer complaints about her toxic and abusive behaviour, so we decided it was time to take action. She didn’t take it well.”

Bittercups has not been permanently banned, clarified the manager, she was only removed from the store for a day. But this hasn’t stopped the the vocal woman from speaking to anyone who will listen about how she was being oppressed by the grocery store cartel, in connection with Big Government, Big Pharma, Big Soda Pop, and Bob’s Big Boy.

As of yesterday, Bittercups had a gofundme campaign shared on her social media network, with a goal of $250,000 to help her “recover from the trauma of being forcibly ripped from a place of sustenance.”

“The government knows they can’t come after me directly, so they elicit their goons at Big Grocery to do their dirty work. All this does is further embolden me in my crusade for more attention.”

*Big Grocery would like to remind you that there is a cleanup on isle 3. 

1 Comment

  1. Bobby D

    Wake up, sheeple! JODIE IS THE VICTIM HERE.

    Verp is clearly run by Bruce Linton for his own nefarious purposes #corrupt #verpluminati

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