Aurora execs jump ship to take job at Canopy

Three high-level executives from Aurora Cannabis have reportedly left the company to take jobs as oompa loompas at Canopy’s Tweed Smith Falls location, inside the old Hershey Factory.

Cam Battley, Terry Booth, and Shane Morris, Aurora’s former ‘Big three’, will all begin their new roles at the Smith Falls facility, leading guests on tours and delivering musical numbers that impart moral lessons through the day.

The move has already thrown the Canadian cannabis world upside down, tipping the scales wildly in favour of Canopy in the ongoing Canopy/Aurora rivalry for the lauded title of Most Overvalued Company in Cannabis. Aurora stocks tumbled on the opening of the markets this morning, while Canopy’s stock skyrocketed.

Cam Battley, the former Chief Corporate Officer at Aurora, told verp that he and his colleagues agonized over the move, but in the end, the cute little oompa loompa outfits won them out.

“OMG they are sooo hashtag adorable,” said the 40-something Battley. “Shane looks the best, to be honest, but Terry’s little oompa loompa dance is absolutely to die for. You have to see it!”

Booth, Aurora’s CEO, told verp in a 3am email that the move is going to fulfil a boyhood dream of his.

“This was a hard move to make. I built Aurora from the ground up. But ever since I was a little boy and I saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, I’ve wanted to be an oompa loompa.

“Now, after decades of waiting, and my mom refusing to make me a costume for Halloween, that dream will soon become a reality.”

Morris was unavailable for comment but could be heard screaming ‘peppermint’ over and over in the background of our call with Battley.

*This didn’t happen. Don’t make stock trades based on verp articles, ya’ dummy!

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