Rumours swirl of Elon Musk, Tantalus, ABCann partnership

The Canadian cannabis industry is aswirl with rumours today of a new partnership with a licensed cannabis producer and Space X’s Chief Bro Officer, Elon Musk, who is also the founder of Tesla and co-founder of PayPal.

The rumours come after Musk went on the Joe Rogan program and smoked weed, which everyone knows now makes Musk super cool in the eyes of Rogan’s 14-44 year old dudebro demographic. This is the same demographic who smokes lots of weed and is therefore highly sought after by cannabis producers and retailers.

One possible company who could be partnering with Musk, says one inside source, is ABCann, based on Napanee Ontario. ABCann is known for their highly mechanized approach to cannabis and hyperbolic grow chambers that look like they could fit on the International Space Station.

Another rumoured partner is BC-based Tantalus Labs, which grows a proprietary type of cannabis known as Future Weed, which reportedly comes from the future, where Elon Musk lives.

The fit with Tantalus makes sense as the greenhouse operators are a Certified Bro Company® who watches The Joe Rogan Show on the computer television every day.

In addition, some say Tantalus’ Managing Director, Dan Sutton, is the Elon Musk of the cannabis industry.

Related: CACA Space Crop 1 to be the future of federated cannabis

Either way, cannabis investors are ecstatic because of the rumour, which they hope will continue to push cannabis stock prices higher and higher.

“Fuck the moon,” wrote one cannabis investor at Stockhouse. “were going to fucking Mars!”

Corm Bortley, the Chief Space Minister for Aurora Cannabis, however, who has designed several cannabis production facilities in space, says the company will “erase from space any other cannabis production facilities outside of Earth’s atmosphere.”

*This satirical article could totally have rescued those kids trapped in a cave if given half a chance.

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