Health Canada shows off new government dispensary at Grow Up conference

Health Canada showed off their new cannabis dispensary model at this years Grow Up conference and expo in Niagara Falls, Ontario, as well as numerous Health Canada branded canna-swag items for the industry’s Cannaswagaholics.

The move from Health Canada to show off this new dispensary model comes just weeks before the launch of the new cannabis regulations on October 17 that will make such dispensaries legal, but will make all such swag illegal.

“It was important for us to get in our branding while we can,” said one Health Canada bud tender working the booth at Grow Up. “In a little over a month, we’ll no longer have the opportunity to give away frisbees or novelty grinders with the Heath Canada Dispensary logo, and for our new dispensary model to work, branding will be key. Conferences like Grow Up are indispensable in that branding exercise.”

Not everyone is happy about the move by Health Canada, though. Dispensary activists in Toronto say they are furious that the government is moving in on their turf.

“I’m livid,” said Kerry Jackson, the owner of a chain of dispensaries with locations across Ontario and Nova Scotia. “This is my town! We are the pioneers, and now the government just swoops in to steal our business? I’ve been doing this for two years now. That’s a lifetime in this industry!”

Cannaswagaholics, though, are reportedly over the moon at the chance to get limited editing cannabis grinders with Rona Ambrose’s face on them, or rolling papers with the official Health Canada logo embossed on every paper.

“This is amazing,” screamed Alex the Chemist, a self-proclaimed Cannaswagaholic and President of the Canadian Cannaswagaholic Alliance.

“I got a Health Canada dab mat signed by some guy named Derek Costle, and Kevin O’Leary signed my butt! Best Weed conference ever!!!”

*If you show a copy of this satirical article to a clown wearing a verp shirt and juggling red balls, you can win a free verp lapel pin at Grow up!

1 Comment

  1. Courtney

    Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME. The government shuts down dispensaries but then they open their own? I’m suing their asses SO HARD.

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