Future of seed production uncertain as government bans pollen

The future of reproducing cannabis by seed is in question this week as Health Canada has quietly determined that LPs are no longer allowed to produce keif, or, “pollen” as all members of the cannabis culture know it.

Pollen, of course, is the male microgametophytes of seed plants, which is one of two necessary components in making cannabis seeds. The other component obviously being some sticky, icky female flowers swaying sexily in the breeze.

By quietly pulling keif, or pollen (as everyone in the cannabis culture calls it) products off the shelves, Licensed Producers say the government is effectively banning seeds.

“At first I was a little annoyed that we couldn’t sell keif,” said Thom Ewelynne-Owlsee, the master grower at Cann Fauna, a medical cannabis producer in Nunavut. “But then I realized that keif is also pollen, and then it hit me. How will we make more seeds?”

On a more positive note, though, clone growers are over the moon.

“This is excellent news for our clone production empire,” says CBD Biotronics CEO Ned Ferrariani, CBD Biotronics is a BC-based producer focussing entirely on clone production for wholesale to growers and retail to consumers.

Although currently only growing clones in a large 10’x10′ storage locker, Ferrariani says he fully expects to ramp up production soon to meet the growing demand for clones in light of the new decision to ban pollen.

“This is a smart, cautious move by the government to ensure we aren’t plagued with the radical, unpredictable genetic variation that comes with seed production. What if we accidentally breed cannabis that turns everyone into zombies? Or worse, makes us all like Japanese opera?”

“We can’t take that risk.”

Black market pollen producers say they are already making moves to fill this gap in the market. One pollen pirate who agreed to speak to verp on promise of anonymity, said that unless the government makes pollen legal, the black market will win.

*This satirical article should not be read aloud within five (5) kilometres of a cannabis facility to avoid cross-pollination.

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