Recent cannabis investors developing massive upper body strength from holding so many bags

Retail investors who entered the Canadian cannabis market following the massive spike in share prices near the end of 2017 and beginning of 2018 say they are in the best shape of their lives from holding so many bags for so many months now.

Despite losing pretty much all their money after deciding to buy into a spiking market that had already seen share prices more than double, triple, and quadruple, these late-term retail investors say they have found a silver lining in the added muscle and cardio work from holding such heavy bags for such a long period of time.

“Sure, I lost my shirt, but it all works out because now I can more easily show up my ripped triceps, biceps, and delts,” said one investor on /r/weedstocks going by the username /u/BenWardSupergenyis7.

“I’m in the best shape i’ve been in in 20 years,” said another investor going by the name /u/MoonRocketYoloBlazer42. “I mean, it sucks that I lost about five grand and my wife cut up my credit cards, but no one pushes me around any more down at the gym.”

The Canadian cannabis sector saw massive spikes in share prices in late December and early January as people realized legalization was not just a prank by the Liberal Party of Canada, with shares in companies like Aurora Cannabis going from about $3 in November to almost $15 by late January 2018, Canopy Growth which went from about $12 in November to $42 by early January, or Aurora which went from about $4 to about $23 over the same time period.

Only Canopy has ever surpassed those levels again thus far, leaving many investors wondering why they didn’t get rich overnight by buying on the tail swing of a ridiculous spike.

“I don’t get it, man,” wrote an investor on Stockhouse. “How come my money didn’t triple overnight like it did for everyone who invested way before all this? This market is rigged, I think I might try to get in on the ground floor of this crypto currency thing next.

*Investing in satire is always a safe bet. Send us all your money today and we’ll send you an exclusive, hand-drawn share certificate in verp media.

Leave a Reply