Verp announces new Red Dot branded cognac-dipped pre-roll blunts

As we approach October 17th, white, grey, and black market cannabis companies are all scrambling to take advantage of the uncertainty and perceived legal void that exists in anticipation of legalization day.

Here at verp we’re no different. In fact, we thought it would make sense to violate as many potential regulations as possible in one product in order to generate ALL the free media.

This is why we’re proud to present verp’s new Red Dot brand cognac-dipped pre-roll blunts! That’s right, we’ve managed to combine all your favourite sin taxes and nanny-state regulation regimes into one neat little product that breaks absolutely every rule in the book!

We’ve even got a has-been E-list celebrity to endorse these puppies! You guessed it! Former Flock of Seagulls lead guitarist Willie Woo just can’t get enough Red Dot Blunts! He “ran so far away” just for one taste of that delicious weedy, tobaccoey, liquory smoke that has people all across Canada begging for laxer regulations!

And what’s more, all our delicious herbs are infused with the added flavour of myclobutanil! Yes, that’s right, every Red Dot Blunt contains at least 2 milligrams of everyone’s favourite pesticide! Health Canada be damned!

We’ve also been sure to incorporate some of the most heavily-litigated intellectual property on earth into our packaging, which features the likes of R2D2, Spider-Man, and Spongebob, all in one stunning design your kids won’t be able to resist!

And of course no last-ditch PR stunt would be complete without a free concert or two, so we’ve commissioned world-renowned Japanese opera troupe Kyoto Nohgaku Kai to perform a series of free Noh plays at dispensaries across Canada! Classical Japanese drama and Canadian cannabis, together at last!

So don’t wait! Buy your Red Dot Blunts now before they’re all seized in an incredibly expensive nationwide police action!

* Red Dot Blunts are available wherever quality satire is sold, while quantities last.

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