Doug Ford announces $1/gram cannabis

Ontario will soon see cannabis for $1 a gram, say insiders with the Doug Ford Ontario leadership team.

The move, to be put in place in time for October 17, 2018, is expected to help drive competition and ensure the black market is destroyed within minutes of legalization.

Similar to the Ford team’s plans to lower the price floor on beer form $1.25 to $1.00, the move is expected to generate support from people who don’t read beyond headlines. Retailers will not be required to adhere to the price floor, just as they generally don’t with beer.

The government is hoping to get pot growers and retailers on board by launching what it calls a “buck-a-gram challenge” with incentives for those who cut prices to $1, verp’s super secret inside source conveyed.

However, the move isn’t expected to impact the dispensary market, where retailers are easily able to move grams of cannabis for as much as $18 a gram because of the added costs of working outside a regulatory system.

“We would love to charge customers less,” says Joe D’Jeune-Femme, the owner and proprietor of Pot, Bongs, and Beyond, an international retail cannabis chain. “But the cost of operating in the greyblack market requires us to charge more. All the regulations we don’t follow mean added costs that, unfortunately, we have to pass on to our consumers.”

D’Jeune-Femme says that the move by the Ford government will destroy small businesses like his, favouring what he calls “Big Weed” and the government monopoly.

“Only Big Weed will be able to charge these prices, running small independent international franchises like mine into the ground.”

Consumers, however, are ecstatic.

“One Ford Nation, under a groove!” shouted an elated cannabis connoisseur who was walking out of one of the four-dozen Pot, Bongs, and Beyond stores in Toronto. “Gone are the days of $12 grams! Ford more years!”

Doug Ford’s own strain of cannabis, Folks, will not be available for a buck, says a spokesman. But a similar strain called Bread and Circuses sold under the Ford name will be.

* Satire is a basic human right, like water, weed, and beer.

Leave a Reply