Giant Canadian seed company announces they will sponsor literally any event

Royalty Yield Seeds (RYS), Canada’s largest cannabis seed purveyor, says they will sponsor “literally any event.”

The seed company, which has a reputation for sponsoring just about any cannabis-related event in Canada, confirmed with verp in an exclusive interview that they will indeed provide sponsorship for anything.

“We’ve sponsored conventions, conferences, expos, bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, pageants, birthday parties, quinceaneras, funerals, weddings, divorces, gender reveal parties, D&D gatherings….’” says Al Jones, the acting interim president of Royalty Yield Seeds. “Literally any time more than three people are gathered together at an event… we will be there! And we’ll give you money!”

Some event organizers say that Royalty Yield will even sponsor events that no one even asked them to sponsor.

“I was putting together a meeting for our local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last month in Moosejaw,” says Kelly Kellerson, a professional event organizer. “On the day of the meeting, Royalty Yield was there with a booth, selling seeds.

“The same thing happened at a recent wedding I put together,” she continues. “Suddenly, some person dressed up as a giant caricature of a cartoon Queen was giving a toast to the new couple. I have no idea where they came from. I certainly didn’t invite them, but there they were.”

One event organizer, though, says RYS is a godsend for his business.

“I put on cannabis-related events all across the country,” says Al Toker, of Tokers Events, who runs a series of cannabis expos in smaller Canadian cities. “Without Royalty Yield, I wouldn’t be able to put on these events.

“Last week, for example, I put together an event in an abandoned shed in Belleterre, Quebec. We had maybe seven people show up, but Royalty Yield still gave me $5,000 to call themselves the title sponsor. It was the only money I made for the entire event! Almost put us in the black!”

Jones, the acting interim president at RYS, says he’s happy to help all Canadian cannabis (or non-cannabis) events, no matter the size.

“This is what we do. After all, we sell seeds for like $250 each. If we sell a handful of seeds at an event we make a profit. So this is just our way of giving back!”

* This satirical article is for novelty purposes only.

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