The BC-based Rebel Craft Alliance, which in the past took down the Galactic Empire’s nearly-completed Cannabis Death Star project, has found itself floundering in the wake of a betrayal that took the entire rebel community by surprise.
At a high-end cannabis investor conference that took place recently in the BC-based Cloud City, a former rebel lawyer and a former rebel seed producer shocked the assembled audience by announcing that they have joined the dark side.
“I had no choice,” said Indo Cannarisian, former esteemed Rebel Craft Alliance (RCA) legal counsel. “They arrived with bags of money. I’m sorry.”
Although the roar of the crowd’s objections soon became near deafening, Cannarisian’s close associate and also-former rebel, Jardinier Moyenne, tried explaining that, while, yes, he had long sworn to fight the Galactic Empire to the death, that times change and that he was not compromising his principles.
“Look, look. I understand you’re upset,” Moyenne yelled into the growing din of the crowd, “but just remember, I didn’t sell out. I bought in. Keep that in mind.”
One attendee screamed out at the two before being hauled away by the Imperial Guard.
“You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the LPs, not join them! Bring balance to the industry… not leave it in darkness!”
Shortly thereafter, the Galactic Empire issued a press release.
“The addition of Indo and Jardinier further strengthens our team in British Columbia and we look forward to collaborating with these well-known former rebel leaders,” said Spark Zepata, spokesperson for the Galactic Empire Growth. “Rebellion and quality are central to a responsible cannabis industry, and to bringing the best products to market. We welcome their combined expertise as we continue to expand our business across the galaxy, like a virus, infecting every corner of the known and unknown universe.”
Seemingly shattered in the wake of this betrayal, the Rebel Craft Alliance announced they will soon be restructuring their organization and selecting a new Executive Director, hoping to rebrand as “a more inclusive Rebel Alliance that is now open to working with the Galactic Empire.”
“We are beginning to see that we must change our tactics to exist in this new reality. Rebellion used to be profitable, but maybe now it’s time to just admit the Dark Side has won,” said interim RCA Executive Director Ian Dorkins.
*Once you start down the satire path, forever will it dominate your destiny.