BC NDP does their very best to keep BC’s black market for marijuana open

Insiders in the BC black market for cannabis say they are ecstatic at the results of their ongoing efforts to keep BC’s black market BC Bud economy alive in the wake of legalization.

The Association for the Continuation of the Black Market, or ACBM, says they have spent millions over the past year lobbying the BC NDP to slow down the province’s transition to a legal, regulated cannabis market to help ensure the province’s thriving BC Bud economy remains in place as long as possible.

While many other provinces put legislation in place months ago, and some have opened up the market to private retailers or shown off brand new government stores, BC has merely had a string of announcements for the past year promising to make more announcements.

While some have attributed this to sheer incompetence on the part of a party clinging to a thin coalition majority and barely capable of governing, the ACBM says it’s actually a result of their calculated efforts to ensure the province’s multi billion dollar cannabis black market keeps thriving.

“We couldn’t be happier,” says Gary Lackerman, President of the ACBM, which he says represents thousands of growers and dispensaries across the province. “Legalization will destroy the BC economy and our livelihood. Plus most of us are really opposed to, like, filling out paperwork and stuff to become legal.”

“By lobbying the provincial government we’ve been able to get them to issue nothing but a string of meaningless announcements since last fall,” continues Lackerman. “Apparently the party is so starved for funds, they’ll basically do whatever we want as long as we have a few extra million in unmarked cash laying around in the safe room.”

The BC economy is said to bring in, by some estimates, up to seven billion a year from the illicit cannabis market, both in domestic sales, as well as exports to the US and other provinces, as well as as far away as China.

While BC has said they are open to a mixed market for retail cannabis that includes both private ‘dispensaries’ and government run stores, the province has yet to give any details about how private retailers can apply and what kind of pricing they can expect from the province-run distributor, run by the BC Liquor Distribution Board.

“At first we were annoyed,” said one dispensary owner who asked to only be identified by their first and last name, Dawn Breeze-Aire, “but then we realized, ‘hey, the longer this takes, the longer I can stay open and keep raking in cash hand-over-fist.’ So now I’m donating every month to the ACBM for their stellar efforts at holding back the wave of regulations that would bankrupt our business.”

In September, 2017 The BC NDP said they would be ready by July 1. Now they say they will be ready sometime in the fall. By the fall, they’ll probably say they’ll be ready by spring 2019.

* This article is satire. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.

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