BC got high and forgot about legalization

BC’s Public Safety Minister Mike Farnworth, the province’s lead spokesman on cannabis legalization, says the BC NDP had totally intended to get around to legalizing, but they got high and forgot.

British Columbia, historically seen as the epicentre of cannabis in Canada, and home to ‘BC Bud’—an inexpensive, mid-grade warehouse weed famous for flooding US markets in the late 90’s and early 2000s—has slowly been losing its place in the cannabis industry as other provinces have actually done things to establish distribution and retail systems.

“Oh, right, that. Shit,” said Farnworth in a recent press conference when asked about what the province was doing. “Con Sarnit. I knew there was something I was going to do, but we’ve all been so focussed on this Transmountain thing and the early works of Pink Floyd that honestly? We forgot.”

BC said earlier this year that they intend to allow both public and private retail locations to be supplied through the province’s liquor distribution board, but since then they have done nothing to move the project forward other than desperately trying to hire and retain employees within their legalization secretariat.

While most other provinces have announced retail locations, with some even opening stores and awarding contracts to private retailers, BC has been stuck at stage one for many months. With a thriving unregulated cannabis market already in place in the province, some speculate that this ‘delay’ may not be an accident, but by design.

BC Premier John Horgan has said he prefers to buy his weed from a woman named Betty in Sooke, BC, a small community on Vancouver Island, and some say Betty has been able to convince Horgan to hold off on putting any new regulations or infrastructure in place until she can get at least one more crop of outdoor harvested, dried and cured by October.

“Betty has some amazing outdoor, organic, craft Sweet Island Time-Skunk that is supposed be ready later this summer, and it’s Horgan’s favourite strain,” said one unidentified source close to Horgan’s team. “She told John that if he wants any more time-skunk, he better hold off on changing anything in BC until at least late September, early October when the rains come.”

“We’ll get there when we get there” says Farnworth. “Meanwhile no one in BC is going to be having a hard time finding weed. Honestly the only people who give a damn about these regs are people who are trying to open up new stores.”

“We haven’t been enforcing cannabis law in Canada for over a decade, I don’t see a big need to start now,” he added before taking a discreet toke from a vape pen.

* West satire is best satire!

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