The American ambassador to Canada announced today that she is leaving diplomatic service to take part in the emerging legal cannabis space in Canada, with a new venture called Craft Cannabis.
Kelly Craft, the US diplomat to Canada who was appointed to the position by Trump mid 2017 and is known for hefty political donations to various Republican candidates and causes, says the move provides an opportunity to leave partisan politics behind and begin “showing these Canadians how to grow good weed.”
“For too long now, Canadians have been slowly stealing away our cannabis genetics, tallent, and investment dollars,” Craft recently told a group of reporters at a McDonalds in downtown Ottawa.”With this announcement today, Americans can be assured that a real red-blooded American is here in Canada helping Make American Ganja Again.”
Craft says the move is unofficially supported by US President Donald Trump, who has very recently said he supports bipartisan legalization legislation within the United States.
“Donny told me what I’m doing here is huge. Big, big stuff,” said Craft. “He knows that without sleek, intelligent American minds in this cannabis space in Canada, it will turn into some kind of communist free-love free-for-all nanny state that threatens to ooze down into the United States like so much maple syrup if Americans don’t act now.”
Craft Cannabis will be tapping several out of work former Ontario Liberal staffers, as well as former federal Conservative staffers, to begin the process of growing high quality, small batch, local, organic cannabis to supply the future US market.
*This article is satire, no ifs, ands, or buts.