Conservative senators found themselves suddenly deeply concerned with what the United Nations and United States think of Canada as the Red Chamber debated the Cannabis Act this evening.
The senators, who represent a party with a longstanding disdain for the UN, suddenly found themselves deeply concerned that when (not if) we legalize the ganja, the international community will wag it’s finger at us—even, it seems, as some of their colleagues in the House of Commons high fived to celebrate of a vote against a UN Indigenous rights bill.
As well as being uncharacteristically eager to please the UN, these senators also found themselves very interested in framing legalization in a way that doesn’t upset the Americans—at the same time their party leader is currently criticizing Trudeau for not standing up to the Americans more on steel and aluminum tariffs.
“I stand here super duper concerned,” said Senator Sauconcern. “So, so concerned. Like, really, reeeeealy concerned. What the UN thinks of Canada is, like, my number one concern. So we shouldn’t legalize weed.”
The senator then introduced an amendment to delay legalization for another year, which failed, but gave several other Conservative senators a chance to wax poetic about how Canada can’t do anything to make the Americans or the UN unhappy, because, as everyone knows, the Conservative party is all about Canada having to ask other nations and governing bodies for permission to do stuff (and things).
“Sure, our own party built the current medical cannabis industry, which causes the same concerns at the US border for medical cannabis users as recreational users will face if asked about past use when they cross the US border—if Canada legalizes,” said senator Sauconcern in a press conference after the Senate adjourned for the night. “But now that the Liberals want to legalize, it’s a super, super duper, really big concern of ours.
“What’s the rush, anyway?”, the Senator continued. “They’ve only given us like seven months in the Senate to debate this, counting the months that we didn’t debate it at all, and that’s not nearly enough time considering we mostly just waste the time we have, anyway, even when we’re actually debating.”
* You can tell this is satire because, if it wasn’t, there would be a caveat about how certain senators, Senator Eggleton (OG) for example, don’t waste any time at all (aside from the time they spend listening to uninformed mouthpieces like Hon. Batters and company read canned statements).