Trudeau fires back at US tariffs on Canadian steel by stealing US cannabis investor dollars

Responding to a recent move by the Trump administration to impose tariffs on Canadian steel and aluminum, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will continue to siphon off untold billions of cannabis investment dollars from the US.

Trump, supposedly a free market supporter, announced the steel and aluminum tariffs earlier this past week, claiming that American industry needs a safe space from the mean spirited nature of international trade.

Trudeau’s own announcement in response is said to have infuriated Trump, who desperately wants to prevent Canada from becoming a global leader in the cannabis industry.

“In response to Donald Trump’s nonsensical trade war with Canada,” said Trudeau, “Canadians have no  choice but to keep accepting the billions of dollars in US cash from investors seeking a coherent, stable, federally-regulated cannabis industry.

“Neener neener neener,” concluded the prime minister, hiking up some cannabis-leaf-themed socks.

Chuck Rifici, who runs not only the Liberal Party and the Canadian cannabis industry, but Trudeau himself, and stands to gain enormously from that US investor money flooding into Canada, chuckled quietly under his breath during the speech, saying “yes yes, good, just as I foretold”.

*This satirical article may have been written by a foil-shrouded neckbeard genius eating cheezies in bed, the bright orange crumbs befouling everything he touched like a twisted parody of King Midas.

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