Residents of Delta BC, a community southwest of Vancouver that is known for its fertile farmlands and endless greenhouses, have recently been reporting numerous strange phenomena that have, as yet, defied explanation.
“It all began sometime last February,” says Eric Onion, a local blueberry farmer. “We started getting these weird brownouts after sundown. Sometimes the radio would cut out and come back a few seconds later playing Bob Marley.”
Over the course of the coming weeks and months, things continued to get stranger.
Wanda Fogbeam, a 4th generation dairy farmer, says sometime mid april she started noticing strange lights in the sky.
“I was puttin’ the cows in the barn and I noticed the sky was turnin’ this puke green colour,” she says. “Next thing you know there’s red lightning bolts stretching across the sky, and then one of ‘em strikes this greenhouse off in the distance and all goes quiet like nothing happened. Strangest thing I ever saw.”
Other residents have reported phenomena ranging from ball lightning to cattle mutilations. On a few occasions, massive surfeits of skunks were seen and smelt rampaging across pastures and fields by numerous witnesses. The municipality has called experts in to try and figure out what is causing the disturbances, including Elon Musk and the Duffer Brothers.
“We’ll get to the bottom of this one way or another,” says Delta Mayor Stu Jackson. “And we’ve got a tourism marketing campaign in the works based on this weird stuff that’s going to make us a fortune in the meantime!”
* This article is nuclear powered satire.