CPAC suffers massive server fire and saltwater crocodile attack as SOCI viewership peaks

A much greater than usual interest from the over nine-thousand people employed in the Canadian cannabis industry coincided today with several catastrophic failures at CPAC’s Parliament Hill facilities, causing serious frustration for many of those intent on seeing as much as possible of the 8 hour long marathon C-45 wrap-up session, which featured somewhere in the neighborhood of forty votes on various amendment proposals.

The meeting went one hour later than usual,which visibly agitated committee chair Art Eggleton, who somehow managed to keep his shit together through the whole proceeding.

Over the extended course of the meeting, parliamentary broadcaster CPAC continuously and repeatedly dropped the feeds of many viewers, even more so than usual, which is a lot (averaging 6 interruptions per hour for most users on a good day).

Many CPAC viewers today reported that they were hitting the refresh button as much as twice per minute.

Verp contacted CPAC for comment on the issue, and a representative informed us that they had to deal with a series of catastrophic issues throughout the day in addition to the increased traffic load, including a crow’s nest in the satellite uplink array, a severe server fire, and a saltwater crocodile being accidentally released into the translators’ booth.

“We usually aim for 60 percent uptime on any given stream,” says Mort Stilton, CPAC’s director of public relations. “But today, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control including but not limited to the aforementioned,  we couldn’t even meet that low, low standard. Anyone walking away from today’s broadcast should consider themselves lucky if they have even a slight understanding of what happened in that meeting today.”

CPAC has assured us that they will at least not let the livestreaming situation deteriorate any further unless more setbacks are suffered, which is likely.

* This satire brought to you by the Canadian council for properly mediated democracy.

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