Cannabis CEO argues flashing neon lights on cannabis packaging a harm reduction tool

Speaking as a witness before a senate committee, Big Cannabis CEO Jack Greenkash told senators that cannabis packaging regulations that allow for flashing neon lights are crucial for harm reduction in the war against opioids.

Sandwiched next to several harm reduction experts who argued the exact opposite, Greenkash told the committee that without the ability to aggressively market their product and package it in cool, hip, designs, Canadians will opt for dangerous drugs like cocaine or opiates.

“It is important that the cannabis industry be allowed to market and brand and package their products pretty much however we want, or legalization will fail,” said Greenkash, before he held up a small dog wearing a shirt that said “legalization” and raised a novelty gun to its head to prove his point.

“It’s important that cannabis packaging and labeling regulations do not add to the opioid crisis by improperly tying the hands of cannabis companies from putting blinking neon lights on their products and advertising that they are ‘organic’,” continued Greenkash, making air quotes as he said the word ‘organic’.

“If people are embarrassed to show off their cannabis packaging, they will obviously just go and buy some fancy plastic Pottles without our brand name on it!”

Greenkash says that consumers can find very appealing and colourful packaging for cannabis products on the black market, and that unless the legal industry is allowed to look way cooler than the black market there will be no way to distinguish between legal and illegal products.

In the past, one cannabis industry association argued their cannabis is of such poor quality that they won’t be able to sell it without fancy bells and whistles.

“I know what kids like,” said Greenkash. “I listen to hop hip, and when I go to Timmies I order the dark roast.”

One senator asked Greenkash about his company’s current branding relationship with a popular children’s cartoon, but the CEO said that is not meant to appeal to kids.

* It’s a well known fact that kids don’t give a damn about industry specific satire.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *