Unable to get human customers, some LPs switch over to pets

Suffering from lower-than-expected sales of medical cannabis, some Licensed Producers are switching their marketing plan over to pets.

CanFaith, a medical cannabis producer based in Nunavut that started in 2016, announced a partnership today with pet food producer Organic Natural Pet to supply the pet food company with a source of cannabis.

In a press release, CanFaith’s CEO Jack Faithless says that the deal is a perfect move for the company as more Canadians want to give their pets cannabis products, also adding that it will be good for their shareholders.

“This is a great move today for pet owners all across Canada,” said Faithless in the press release. “For years our stockholders have been frustrated that our cannabis isn’t selling very well to humans, and the growth in the pet industry appears to be enormous!”

Organic Natural Pets’ CEO Rover Carlson says he’s equally excited by the partnership.

“Pets in Canada don’t need to be doped up on opioids when they can have cannabis products instead!,” barked Carlson over the phone to verp. “We hope that by 2025, pets will all be consuming ONP’s amazing line of canna-treats for good doggos and other pets.”

Another cannabis producer applicant based in BC, FauxLeaf, who has pinned their business plan around selling weed to pets, says they have seen the trend coming for years.

“At FauxLeaf, we seen this coming and made early-stage moves to ensure our company can be well positioned to take part in this trend,” says FauxLeaf CEO Michelle Goodlove. “Studies show most humans don’t truly enjoy legal cannabis. They prefer the stuff grown by people who break the law. But our studies show pets have no such pretensions and will happily consume our legal weed if we can ever get a licence.”

* Our research shows that the LD50 for satire in cats is much higher than it is in dogs. 

2 comments

  1. Bob

    Extremely difficult to sell expensive cannabis that has been Gamma irradiated, as this process burns volatile cannabis terpenes.

    LP’s weed is tasteless compared to black market.

    • Also Bob

      Everyone knows the best way to burn up your volatile terpenes is y burning your cannabis in a joint.

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