Shane “P-Mint” Morris exposes regulator plot to screw Big Cannabis for shits and giggles

Dr. Shane “P-Mint” Morris, who recently joined Aurora as their VP of Loose Artillery, has proved through a series of tweets that employees at Health Canada and the Office of Medical Cannabis have been screwing with licensed producers for shits and giggles.

As Morris’ theory goes, employees at Health Canada and the Office of Medical Cannabis routinely draft regulations in such a way as to deliberately frustrate and irritate high-level employees at large cannabis corporations, just because they can, and because it’s fun.

According to an exclusive anonymous source at the Office of Medical Cannabis who we’ll call Sheila, Morris is 100% correct.

“It’s kind of like when the teenager working the grill at the burger joint spits on your burger,” says Sheila. “There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s sad really, but it’s what we live for. Only we would never actually spit on someone’s burger. Think about how many regulations that would violate! I would never hear the end of it from my husband. He works down the hall at the Office of Medical Hamburgers.”

Sheila also says that the real reason Health Canada opted to not publish the proposed regulations in the Canadian Gazette 1 is because they forgot.

“Honestly, we were all super blazed and totally forgot we were supposed to publish in Gazette 1 and 2″, said Sheila.

Verp has been informed that Morris is unavailable for comment as he and a crack team of Aurora botanists are currently undertaking a dangerous expedition in the Rocky Mountains to seek out a rare species of wild mountain mint that is rumoured by deepweb mint hounds to be laxative and euphoric.

* This article appears as published in Part 1 of the Satire Gazette. Public consultation is open on this satirical article until Sept, 2018.  

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