A Canadian realtors association is proposing a change to Canadian law that would create a moratorium on home cultivation of house plants, as well as the use of tea kettles and hot showers.
The Canadian Realtors for Real Realty (CRRR) say they are deeply concerned with the damage homeowners and renters are doing to their homes when they grow common house plants, take long, hot showers or baths, or brew up a kettle of tea. This damage, says the association, can affect the price of houses because of the presence of mould from the humidity produced by these dangerous activities.
“We’ve heard from homeowners and tenants across the country who are worried about living beside homes where people grow houseplants, or take showers, or brew kettles of tea,” says Bob Pearlclutcher, the CRRR spokesman.
“What does this do to their home value? Will this increase their rent? How safe will their kids be? Will their quality of life diminish because of the prevalence of all that extra moisture in their neighbourhood?
“These are all concerns that need to be considered and remedied, or Canada might see the housing bubble burst and home prices drop to affordable levels, which would be catastrophic for realtors,” continued Pearlclutcher. “Can you imagine if millennials could afford homes? We can’t let this happen.”
The CRRR is working with Conservative lawmakers and various anti-houseplant, anti-bathing-and-showering, and anti-kettle groups to to draft legislation they hope will be presented in the House early this Fall.
“We want a safe Canada. A Canada where the dangers of spider plants and lillies is not taken lightly. A Canada where homes are not riddled with black mould from obsessive over-showering, or British immigrants who insist on making tea 30 times a day.”
* Big satire doesn’t want you to produce your own satire at home.