Partiers at today’s 420 celebration on Parliament Hill were left confused and a little creeped out by by a cotillion of mainstream media photographers who were hunting for the next marijuana mega-shot after Ottawa Citizen photographer Wayne Cuddington revealed that he has made over 75 million dollars in royalties from his widely-used (to put it lightly) “Weed Toque Girl” shot, taken two years ago today.
Photographers from all over the world reportedly began staking ideal locations as early as Wednesday of this week, with many having remained in place since then, going to great lengths to avoid losing their locations to other opportunity-seeking pot paparazzos.
“I didn’t leave this spot for three days” said Nella Vespucci sitting casually on the loose lid of a dirty white ten gallon pail labelled “Morovitz Kosher Gherkins.” Nella is a staff photographer with the Oklahoma City Herald.
As things started to move into gear in the hour before 4:20, over 500 photographers reportedly began harassing attendees for photo ops, so much so that many female attendees under the age of 25 and dudes with giant novelty spliffs felt pressured to leave before the bell struck Bob Marley-O’clock.
“It was too much!” said Shelley Bailer, a high school student from nearby Kanata. “We were just chilling and then around 3 o’clock there’s a lineup of weirdos with fancy cameras waiting to take my picture!”
Kyle Fourtwenty, a prominent instagram stoner, says he had been saving up all his roaches for five years to roll the giant novelty spliff he lit up at 4:20. “I put everything I had into that joint man. All my hopes and dreams,” he told verp.
“It all came down to that that moment, smoking the last illegal giant novelty spliff at 4:20 on the 420 before legalization. It represented so much. And I didn’t get a single decent shot for my instagram ‘cause the moment I sparked it up there were 50 photographers literally tripping over each other to try and get in on the action.”
A representative from St John’s Ambulance informs us that, as of press time, they have treated at least 32 individuals for clumsy photographer-related injuries.
* Happy satirical 420 everyone!