Conservative Senators to introduce bill to ban space heaters, citing concerns with recent house fire

A recent house fire that is garnering national attention has lead some Conservative senators to propose a new bill that will seek to ban space heaters.

The fire, which the media has been breathlessly connecting to a personal medical cannabis grow operation, was actually caused by space heaters being used to dry the cannabis, and not anything connected to the growing of the cannabis, like grow lights.

Because of this, Conservatives in the Senate say they want to introduce a bill to ban space heaters, to protect Canadians from the dangers of irresponsible heater use..

“At first we thought this was a good example of why we should ban home grown marijuana,” said Senator Batshit in a prepared statement. “But then we realized this was because of irresponsible recreational home heating, not because of the growing of cannabis plants.”

“Obviously banning the growing of a plant would be stupid, so instead, we’re going to pass a law that prevents Canadians from owning heaters.”

Conservative senate leader Claude Carignan says he agrees with the approach, and wants to see it taken a step further.

“Not only are home heaters a threat to Canadians and Canadian children, but so are home-brewed beer and wine, and the storing of beer, wine and hard liquor and guns in homes with children,” Carignan told verp in an exclusive email interview.

“Conservatives are all about ideological consistency,” continued Carignan’s email. “So if we’re going to try and ban the growing of four pot plants in order to protect kids, then we also need to ban space heaters, guns, beer, wine, kitchen knives, scissors, paper (ever had a paper cut?), poinsettias, philodendrons, oleanders, Calla Lilies, Peace Lilies, daffodils, english ivy, azaleas and rhododendrons.”

Bill S-250 is expected to be introduced when the Senate returns from a two week break that coincided with a Matlock marathon on TBS.

* No children were harmed during the writing of this satire.

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