Bad advice column: ask Bob anything about weed, vol. 2

Hey Bob, I heard that CBD isn’t psychoactive. Is this true? Thanks. — Canned in Kanata

Dear Canned. Yes, it’s true, CBD is completely non-psychoactive. Some people say that it modulates or changes the effects of other psychoactive cannabinoids, and some people say that it reduces anxiety; however, both of these effects would constitute “psychoactivity,” and since we know that CBD is not psychoactive, we know that this is all hogwash.

Dear Bob, what’s the most effective way to get high with a large group of people? — Chonged in Chilliwack

Well Chonged, people have been debating this for millennia, and while some still disagree, it’s generally accepted among seasoned experts like myself that the best way to get high with a large group of people is a combo Mexican hotbox/gravity bong situation.

What you do is you crowd everyone into the bathroom, steam it up with the shower (putting a towel under the door to trap the air), using the shower to fill the bathtub. You smoke joints and dabs until the tub is full, then you use the tub for the gravity bong.

For a large group, I recommend using a large 5 gallon water bottle for the gravity bong. Just cut the bottom off the bottle, stuff a bit of tinfoil in the top with some holes poked in it, and Bob’s your uncle! Note that for a bog this size it’s best to use an acetylene torch for lighting, but you’ll have this on hand already for dabs no doubt.

Dear Bob, when will weed be legal? — Anxious in Antigonish

Don’t be anxious, Anxious. There’s a common misconception going around that it will be legal on July 1st of this year. The truth is, that’s just bullshit from an unsourced CBC article written over a year ago. Weed has already been legal for a while! It was made legal after the Supreme Court heard the case of Allard v Smith and ruled that everyone gets cookies and access to dispensary weed is guaranteed under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Absolutions.

Dear Bob, I need to get really, really high, but I’m a busy, on-the-go kind of gal. What’s my best option? — Busy in Burlington

For high stress working individuals like yourself, Busy, I recommend consuming edibles as part of your breakfast routine. Something in the 1200 mg dose range should be enough to get you through your day feeling just fine. You can also consider carrying microdose 200 mg chocolates and/or gummies around with you during the day in case you need a booster.

Dear Bob, I want to grow four plants at home once cannabis is legal, but I live in Quebec. What do I do? — Pouce Vert en Pointe-Claire

It’s simple math, Pouce Vert. Consider how much weed you smoke, and consider the cost of purchasing that weed versus the cost of retaining a half-decent weed lawyer. Chances are, if you smoke anywhere near as much as I do, it’s going to be much cheaper to retain the weed lawyer than it will be to pay inflated prices for LP weed with taxes and provincial overhead on top.

* Bob recommends reading at least one weed satire article per day if you want to stay ‘in the know’.

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