Bad advice column: ask Bob anything about weed, vol. 1

“Dear Bob, I’m having a party and I decided to make it a cannabis party instead of an alcohol party. Am I allowed to play any music aside from Bob Marley records?” — Sketchy in Saskatoon

Hello Sketchy. The answer is yes! Though Bob Marley records are always the best option, you can also get away with Bob Marley tapes, CDs, or even mp3s in a pinch.

“Dear Bob, I am flying to California and want to bring my weed. Will i be okay?” — Ripped in Richmond

Totally! Weed is legal in California so you won’t have any problems. Just let the customs officers know you have cannabis with you.

“Dear Bob, yesterday I was smoking a joint in the park and a cop came and told me politely that I shouldn’t be doing that there. Is he allowed to do that?” — Curious in Corner Brook

Weed has basically been legal since 2015, so that cop was out of line. Next time this happens get the officer’s badge number and call 911 to report that your charter rights are being violated.

“Dear Bob, I’m familiar with the works of scientists like Ethan Russo, Raphael Mechoulam, and Mark Ware, among others. I want to learn more about cannabis. Do you have any recommendations?“ — Studious in Scarborough

Absolutely. You should start with Jack Herer’s Emperor Has No Clothes, widely regarded by experts as the most complete and well-researched book ever written on the subject. From here move on the works of Chris Bennett, who literally proves that every single aspect of human history directly resulted from people getting high.

“Dear Bob, are dispensaries legal?” — Vaped in Vancouver

Yes. Dispensaries are “gray market” which means that they are legal and unregulated. Activists have proven this on numerous blogs over the last 15 years. This has been upheld in the famous Smith v Allard Supreme Court case. If a dispensary gets raided by the cops while you are in it, just say “Charter” and click your heels together three times and a weed lawyer will appear to sue the police on your behalf.

“Dear Bob, I bought some weed at a new dispensary around the corner from my house and it has this white fluffy stuff on it that looks kinda like mold. What should I do?” — Worried in Winnipeg

Good news Worried! Dispensaries are not required to lab-test their products for mold like LPs are because they have a proven track record of two decades of not lab-testing their weed for mold. The fluffy white stuff is probably just extra trichomes because you know that dispensary dank is off the charts. Smoke it up!    

* This article is satire. If you have a dumb question for Bob, submit it to verpmedia@gmail.com or write it in the comments below. 

3 comments

  1. Albert Reply

    This is terrible advice. Dispensaries are not legal and you CANNOT I REPEAT CANNOT FLY TO CALIFORNIA WITH CANNABIS. YOU PEOPLE SHOULD BE ASHAMED if someone gets arrested because of this you will find yourselves in a court of law.

  2. Snuh Farlson Reply

    Dispensaries are totally kinda legal! The cops so much as said so the other day in the report of that dispensary that totally didn’t get robbed in November (cuz that sort of stuff doesn’t happen)

  3. porky pig Reply

    Bob. My question is thus. I’ve been waiting 11 months to get a piece of paper from Health Canada that says I can grow cannabis. What should I do.

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