Those close to Shane Morris “up to here” with peppermint talk

Family, friends, and colleagues new and old say they are sick and tired of hearing ‘Peppermint’ Shane Morris talk about peppermint.

Family and co-workers of the Regulatory Affairs and Risk Management Executive and animated gif aficionado say they are very proud of Morris’ accomplishments in helping to bring a peppermint cannabis spray to market, but wish he would stop injecting the topic into every conversation he has.

“It was fun at first,” said one co-worker, who would only comment anonymously, “but it’s beyond the point of eye-rolling now. It’s like how Michael Scott in The Office would always scream ‘that’s what she said’ at really inappropriate times.”

The co-worker said they and others were scared to speak on record out of fear of what they all characterized as being ‘peppermint-bombed’, which apparently refers to Morris cornering you at the water cooler to discuss all the different ways one can integrate peppermint into one’s daily routine.

Morris’ wife agrees.

“We’ve all been peppermint-bombed at this point,” said the missus. “He’s kind of like Bubba in Forrest Gump, but with peppermint instead of shrimps. The other day he listed off 17 different ways to make peppermint tea when I texted him to see if he could pick the kids up from Riverdance practice. It’s too much.”

“We were out at a restaurant last week and he lectured the waiter on the chemical composition of peppermint—for 15 minutes.”

While unconfirmed, verp has even heard reports that Morris may own significant shares in Big Peppermint, a subsidiary of Monsanto.

Reportedly, Morris is currently working on a Tide Pod flavoured cannabis spray that may be available on the market as early as this May.

Verp reached out to Morris for comment at a parking lot outside Montreal, but he only yelled “Tis a sublingual mist, ya daft muppets!”, riding off on the crest of a rainbow-coloured spray of cannabis oil.

*This is satire. Mostly. 

Featured image cortesy of George Hodan.

1 Comment

  1. Paddy B. Goode Reply

    There once was a doctor named Morris
    Who took as his pet a slow loris;

    It’s name was then Fred,
    “Why Fred” Shane then said,
    “From now on your name is Delores.”

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