Senators demand nap time before further consideration of legalization bill

Senators discussing Canada’s historic legalization bill say they are eager to begin debating the law, just as soon as they’ve had time to nap on it.

The Red Chamber has had the bill since late last year and has already taken a few hours here and there over the past several weeks to discuss it.

“Senating is hard stuff,” says Conservative Senator Amanda O’Niel. “And we have to do all this sober second thought, well… sober. So we need to be able to take frequent breaks to clear our heads. Senator Dean and I usually take a nice long walk every afternoon and then play freeze tag with some kids on Parliament Hill before calling it a day.

Independent Senator Gordon Chang agrees.

“We have our work cut out for us,” says Chang. “This is a really important piece of legislation and Canadians are counting on us to get this right, so we can’t rush it. As soon as we’re done cleaning out the gutters of Parliament, catching up on General Hospital, and organizing our sock drawers, we’ll be good and ready to begin debating the bill in earnest.”

The Honourable Peter Harder, Government Representative in the Senate, said he understands his colleagues need time on the weed laws, but he does wish they would get on with it.

“I do get it. It’s easy to procrastinate and we all have lots of chores and things we could be doing,” Harder told verp in an exclusive. “I’m not trying to be a curmudgeon. But I mean, come on, right? Can we maybe dedicate more than 28 minutes a day to this? I’d like to spend some time at the cottage this summer, and at this rate, that’s not going to happen.”

Leader of the Opposition in the Senate, Larry Smith, said that the Liberals need to relax on their aggressive timeline.

“The Liberal government is, like, such a bummer, man,” says Smith. “Cannabis is all about slowing down and appreciating the small things in life. Those squares need to try some of their own medicine, you know what I mean? You can’t rush this if you’re gonna crush this.”

* Nothing will put you to sleep faster than some good old-fashioned satire. 

Featured image courtesy of Marc Lewis via Flickr.

3 comments

  1. Sally Reply

    The Senate has no business discussing this bill. They are unelected hacks! Let Democracy breathe in Canada! What this country needs is Freedom and Liberty. Get government out of the way of progress!

  2. Boston John Reply

    Just another reason to abolish the Senate. These unelected clowns in Ottawa spending OUR money to take naps. Outrageous!

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