StratCann unveiled a new brand partnership with controversial figure Jordan Peterson at a press conference held earlier today at StratCann’s facility just outside the small town of Merritt in British Columbia.
Hot on the heels of Peterson’s new book, Twelve Rules for Life, the strains being marketed under this new partnership have been hand-picked by Peterson specifically for their ability to help people deal with haters online.
“It is a paradox of the modern world that we have access to so much information, to so many voices, and yet so many of these voices are stupid marxist zombies who are happy to waste their entire lives being mean to controversial figures like me” Peterson told an audience of reporters and Men’s Rights Activist, including StratCann’s CEO Duke Broman.
“Bruh this shit is REAL” Broman screamed at verp as he backflipped out of a keg stand while beer poured down his face, drenching his already tattered and stained Delta Kappa Epsilon t-shirt.
Twelve Strains for Life is aimed at people like Peterson and Broman who often find themselves subject to the ire of large groups of well educated people for publishing their controversial opinions online.
Based on the twelve Jungian archetypes, the selection includes: The Innocent, a strain for dealing with the stress of death threats and doxxing; The Hero, a strain to fire you up for an all night flame war; The Ruler, a strain to get you juiced for rallying your army of neckbeard trolls to harass someone who made a half-decent point against you in an argument; and The Caregiver, a strain that makes you forget to post online in the first place.
Twelve Strains for Life will be available to consumers as soon as StratCann acquires its sales license, hopefully sometime this summer.
*Chill bruh, this is satire!
Featured image by Steven Lee via The Varsity.