Rebel Craft Alliance takes down Imperial Cannabis Death Star

A strike squad from the Rebel Craft Alliance (RCA) in British Columbia, Canada has taken credit for the destruction of the Galactic Empire’s nearly-completed Cannabis Death Star project.

The announcement from the RCA says a rogue squad of artisan, craft warriors returned last Wednesday from a successful mission against the giant, imposing grow op in space, lead by a farmer from the Salt Spring Island region of terrestrial Earth.

“We’re happy to report that RCA pilot Bruce Skyfarmer was able to breach the air-conditioner bay of the orbital 10 billion sq foot indoor cannabis production facility by launching a perfectly placed Charter-torpedo through a small vent that lead to the cooling bay,” said RCA spokesperson Princess Lana.

“With the destruction of the Death Star, craft will now thrive here in British Columbia and all of Canada without that imposing abomination blotting out the sun.”

Celebrations from furry forest dwellers were seen across Vancouver Island and much of British Columbia as the flaming Death Star fell from the sky, landing squarely in Alberta, all while the hip-hop classic ‘Mo Money Mo Problems’ was heard across the land.

The Galactic Empire issued a statement accusing the RCA of being criminals.

“This criminal alliance of ‘rebels’ has no respect for Intergalactic Law, or any understanding of Good Manufacturing Practices,” said Empire spokesman Darth Battley. “The cannabis they grow will never match the quality or purity of the cannabis we could have grown on that Death Star.

“But this futile attack will not impede our progress” he continued. “We’re already working on seven other Death Star grow-ops in geostationary orbits above small towns in southern Ontario, five of which are already at the pre-clearance approval stage. You’ll all see—nothing can stop us!”

Featured image courtesy of Joi Ito via Wikimedia Commons.

*This article is about as satire as is gets. 

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